DOE jokes
Why does America suck at chess? Because they already lost their two towers.
what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?
people go there to fix their mistakes.
What does Adam look like?
The fat ginger baby of Boss Baby.
What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?
They're both fat.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
lol the best pokemon card ever
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
What do you call a horse that does karate?
A horse.
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
How does NASA organize their parties? They planet.
How does a tree access the internet?
By logging in and branching out!
Why does my mum eat carrots?
A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.
The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.
What is the craziest thing an Indian man does for sex?
Marriage.
What does a girl get after having sex with Batman?
Defective rabies.
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
Everyone knows why 6 is scared of 7, cuz 7 8 9.
But why does 10 have PTSD?
Cuz it’s between 9/11.
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
Does a midget count as an orphan?
How does a rapper greet someone on a cold day?
"Yo, is the temperature Ice Cube, or Vanilla Ice?"