DOE jokes

Why does Stephen Hawking only do one liners?

He can't do stand-ups.

Q: What does a cat have that no other animal has?

A: Kittens.

Why does everyone like couch jokes?

Because they are sofa-nny (so funny)!

What does a doctor do to make you better?

Helium.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends how hard you throw them.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What runs but does not walk? It's water.

Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?

At a second-hand store.

What does a skeleton call their great-grandparents?

A fossil.

How many degreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees does Billy Corgan have?

1979.

Does anybody know the similarities between a Rubik's cube and a penis?

I don't know the whole answer, but I do know that the more you play with it, the harder it gets.

How does a cow do math?

With a cow-culator!

Where does Stephen Hawking go when he breaks his arm? PC World.

What does a "Smart Russian" and a "Unicorn" have in common?

Answer: Non-existence!

How many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they just sit and cry in the dark.

Does that neverending forehead of yours go all the way to Mars, holy fucking shit?

How many emos does it take to fix a lightbulb?

None, because they just cry in the darkness.

Your mom does not need the internet. She's already worldwide.

This is two heads.

Deaf. "Deep water." ""

- "78 years."

Are you interested again? ""

"If you go ... you are there."

"No. 85 is good."

What is the most important value? It does not take cheese.

What does the EPA issue when a person stinks up a room with their smelly farts?

Air quality alert code brown!