DOE jokes
Bro, why does Ohio look like Fallout 4?
How does a skeleton kill a bug?
They SOCKET!
An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.
The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.
How does a disabled person play chess?
I think you forgot they don't have legs.
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
Yo mama's so fat, her belly button gets home 15 minutes before she does.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a bulb?
None, because they all cry in the dark.
How many heterosexual men does it take to change a lightbulb in heaven?
Both of them.
A son walks up to his dad and says, "I'm so gay right now!"
"HOW COULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT!!!" screams the dad.
"No, gay as in HAPPY," says the confused son, "I'm so happy right now!"
"Oh," says the dad, "why are you happy?"
Then the son said, "Because I just got 20 dollars for sucking a guy off."
Q. What's the difference between people and a toilet?
A. Neither does R. Kelly.
Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
What does a pedophile mostly pound on a piano?
A minor.
Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?
He is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
What does the orphan have in common with Batman? They both lost their parents.
Does anyone know what's going on with all the creeps that joined and restart your school laptop to get everything unblocked?
What does a dick and an elderly person have in common? They are both short.
What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
How does he go for a poo? He logs out.
Where does Hitler look first when he loses something? The attic.