DOE jokes
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two ;)
What kind of shirts does Sally's parents get her?
Long sleeves.
Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?
A. Crayons.
What does Michael Joseph Jackson say to adults when he sees them?
Keep away from me-hee-hee.
What is a bus driver that does not work? A useless one!
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow! What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
Why does China have the biggest eyewear?
Because all their eyes are too small.
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop!
Q: Why does Michael Jackson live in a Barbie world?
A: ♫He's made of plastic, it's fantastic!♪
How does an Indian open his car?
"Boot, boot!" (in an Indian accent)
What does E.T. stand for? Because he has little legs.
What does S.H. stand for? He doesn't.
What does S.H. stand for? Shit happens.
So I added Paul Walker on Xbox the other day, and it’s annoying cause all he does is sit on the dashboard.
When does Stephen Hawking cross the road?
When it says "DON'T WALK."
Q: What gun does Africa not have?
A: A water gun.
Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone!
If I fantasize about fucking a UCP Cabinet Minister,
Does that mean I'm sexually Conservative?