DOE jokes
Omg wassup dude, why does your hair look just like a young Whoopi Goldberg from "The Color Purple?" Them damn stanky looking corn bread rows on your head; you look like a damn cheetah pet. Che che che cheetah, they available at Wal-Mart, Dollar Tree, Target, and Kroger.
Free will is like having a vagina. You don't need to know how to use it, and you don't need to know what it does, but what matters is that you have it.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
8 jelly tickles!
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
What does the B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stand for?
Benoît B. Mandelbrot.
What does a skeleton tile his roof with?
Shin-gles!
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
How does a butcher keep his tent up in the wind? Steaks.
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 🪙 💶 💶 💸 💶 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰💰 👍 👍 👌 👌 😍 😍✌️✌️ 🌭 🍌 🕳
👨 👨 What does the initials GOP stand for?
👬 Gay man On Penis.
What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?
Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
Why does the retard not like eating his vegetables? Because he knows not to be a cannibal, he knows somehow.
What do Hiroshima and Nagasaki share in common with balls?
They both drop.
What does a Chinese do when you throw an apple at him? Ka-ching!
How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
What does Cinderella wear to the beach?
Glass slippers.
Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?
A: It means cats and dogs can talk.
What does a polite mouse say?
"Cheese and thank you."