How does Helen Keller say "dad?"
I don’t know, but you should ask her... wait, never mind, she can’t talk.
DOE Jokes
A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.
First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them, with fuck.
Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
How does a cannibal like his meat?
Human.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they all sit in the dark.
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
What does a blowjob from an 80-year-old and bungee jumps have in common?
You feel the rush, but don't look down.
Have you ever heard of Jane Doe? Well, her husband's name is Dill, so I guess that makes him a dildo!
What do cows eat for breakfast?? Steer cereal.
Why does Ella have cancer?
Because she’s stupid.
What does Stephen Hawking eat for his breakfast, lunch, and dinner?
His shoulder.
What does the cannibal say when he jumps into the pool?
CANNONBALL! P.S. I made this myself.
If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?
(Stupid People)
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
[God creating Asians] “Alright, and the design is finished, see our new model, the Asian. It has no hair at all.”
Angel asks, “Does it eat normal food?”
God replies, “(chuckling) Oh no, not at all.”
How many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just cry in darkness.
My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.
Why can't orphans see their parents?
Because they don't have one!
