DOE jokes
What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?
"What does this button do...?"
What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?
"Need help packing your shit?"
What does the EPA issue when a person stinks up a room with their smelly farts?
Air quality alert code brown!
Who does an orphan play soccer with?
No one.
Why does Helen Keller use her left hand to play with herself?
So she can moan with her right hand.
How many tickles does it take for an octopus to laugh?
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.
Why does the Catholic Church have a glory hole inside the confessional booth?
So a priest can give an anonymous blowjob to another bisexual man, or a gay man, or a heterosexual man that has a big dick after the priest hears their confession.
How do you suck a dick?
Stick it down your throat like Nicholas does with Dennis.
Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.
What does the Catholic Church and Worstjokesever.com have in common?
They're both full of child groomers.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
Why does an orphan love to go to church?
Because they have someone to call father.
What does an Emo do with his friends?
Literally hanging out.
Cool, new word of the day: Marijuana.
“Does Marry wanna smoke a joint?”
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
How does Osama feed his child? "Here comes the airplane, here comes another one."
What does Marine stand for?
Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Expected.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
Because he only comes once a year.