DOE jokes
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
What is a tree that does not exist?
A money tree.
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
What does a pig call its dad... mom? 😂
Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.
What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.
Why does the Tower of Pisa lean?
Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?
They both are hanging.
How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause it's still dark in my basement.
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
Why does an orphan cry when we say "ur mom?"
Because they have no mom.
Why does a brother love his sister?
Because he came in her.
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
How does a pimp answer when asked why he chose his occupation?
Answer: He wanted a stable source of income.
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
What does a depressed person and a chicken have in common? They both try to fly.