The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
How hard can you throw them!
What does the ocean do to its friends?
It waves.
(*Sorry I wasn't making any jokes for a while, I was getting sick of this thing.*)
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
Why does Aaron cry at night? His alcoholic father beats him.
How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.
What does a Chinese guy say to the love of his life?
"You're the ying to my yang!"
Omg wassup dude, why does your hair look just like a young Whoopi Goldberg from "The Color Purple?" Them damn stanky looking corn bread rows on your head; you look like a damn cheetah pet. Che che che cheetah, they available at Wal-Mart, Dollar Tree, Target, and Kroger.
Free will is like having a vagina. You don't need to know how to use it, and you don't need to know what it does, but what matters is that you have it.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
8 jelly tickles!
What does Michael Jackson like to carry around? A little ball sack.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
What does a Chinese do when you throw an apple at him? Ka-ching!
How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
What does a polite mouse say?
"Cheese and thank you."
What does Cinderella wear to the beach?
Glass slippers.
Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?
A: It means cats and dogs can talk.
Why does the retard not like eating his vegetables? Because he knows not to be a cannibal, he knows somehow.
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
What does the B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stand for?
Benoît B. Mandelbrot.
