DOE jokes
How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.
What weapon does a fat Jedi use?
A heavy saber.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 9 because my basement is still dark.
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how many you throw.
Memes
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram.
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends how hard you throw them.
What does a "Smart Russian" and a "Unicorn" have in common?
Answer: Non-existence!
How many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they just sit and cry in the dark.
Does that neverending forehead of yours go all the way to Mars, holy fucking shit?
What does the "W" stand for in Africa?
Water. Too bad there's no "W" in Africa.
How many emos does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, because they just cry in the darkness.
Your mom does not need the internet. She's already worldwide.
How does a woman scare their gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
What does the long distance call and a Black person have in common?
They both don’t work.
What does your mom say when she is working?
Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.
What does Leo have in common with a newspaper?
They both love to yap and babble, and they always get fondled by old people.
Teacher: *Reads mythological story about a cyclops*
Me: Does he have one eye cause he's from an incestual family in Alabama?