DOE jokes
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?
"Are you ready kids?"
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
Q: How many men does it take to open up a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.
Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.
How does a skeleton call his friends?
On the tele-bone!
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
When does a cub become a Boy Scout?
When he eats his first brownie.
My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?
Does a midget count as an orphan?
How does the non binary kill white en Amy?
They/them.
Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space. Does that make him an Australien?
How many Sallys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, she was electrocuted.
Why does the orphan have water with its cereal?
Their dad never came back with the milk.
An emo girl dyed her hair red.
Where does her hairline start? Her wrist.
What does an emo kid say when they wanna hang out?
"Wanna hang?"
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.