DOE jokes
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”
I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.
What does a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
One day a teacher says: "What does a pig give us?"
A student says: "Bacon!"
The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a chicken give us?"
A student says: "Eggs!"
The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a fat cow give us?"
A student says: "Homework!"
The whole class laughs.
Why does Adolf hate golf?
He ended up in the bunker.
How does a rapper start a race?
With a ready, set, FLOW!
How does a rapper pay for his groceries?
With a SICK FLOW of cash!
What song does Kobe Bryant hate?
"Rocky Mountain High."
What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?
They both enjoy digging up the past.
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just like hanging in the dark.
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
Why [does] a tranny say "Have a good day" to a Jew?
He [is a] goy.
Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"
Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
What does Yoda say when he’s at the strip club?
"Dirty bitch, you are."