What kind of chocolate does a lesbian hate?
Ones that contain nuts.
Why does five plus five equal eleven?
Because it's actually six.
Why does Darth Vader always choke people?
Because he wants them to feel what his Sith Lord does to him in bed.
What does a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
Where does cotton candy come from? The cotton pickers!
What does Michael Jackson like to eat? Little wieners.
What does a British cannibal's favorite meal?
Fish and chaps.
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
Why does New York have the Jets as their football team if those are what took out the Twin Towers?
what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?
people go there to fix their mistakes.
Does money grow on trees? No.
What is money made of? Paper.
What is paper made out of? Trees!
P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.
What does ATM stand for?
Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.
😂🤣
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
If I die, does my depression die with me?