DOE jokes
What does a blondie and a shotgun have in common?
Give them a cock and they're ready to blow.
What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
What is the one feature an orphan kid's phone doesn't have that mine does?
A home button.
Q: How much does a skeleton weigh?
A: A skele-TON.
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
What does a transgender call his/her parent?
Transparent.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife is dead.
Where does a pianist go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
What does a skeleton say when he has lots of work?
"I have a ton of work, skele-ton."
Where does a girl with one leg work?
IHOP.
A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
How many babies does it take to paint a barn red? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?
They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"
Why does everyone like couch jokes?
Because they are sofa-nny (so funny)!
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.
What does Stephen Hawking eat for his breakfast, lunch, and dinner?
His shoulder.
What does a Tusken Raider eat after his meal?
Some desert!