DOE jokes
How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 cause my basement is still dark.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 9 because my basement is still dark.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"
Why does Hitler deserve heaven? Because he killed Hitler.
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
Where does Bin Laden keep his CDs?
In Iraq.
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
What does it take to paint a wall red?
Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.
What does a French woman say when you ask her what her favorite video game is? "Oui, oui!"
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.
Does anyone know Wakanda movie is Black Panther?
When Stephen Hawking falls, who does he call, the ambulance or the technician?
How does Hitler tie his shoes?
Into little Nazis.
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!
What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two ;)
Why does Donald Trump take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks!
Does anyone else like Tacos? C'mon let's Taco 'bout it!!! :p Hey, Tacos are made of atoms too......