DOE jokes
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
I don't know, either. It depends on how hard you throw them.
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
What does NASA stand for?
Neil Armweak Sorry Armstrong.
Everyone: What does NASA mean?
NASA's response: National Aeronautics and Space Administration.
Everyone: What does NASA mean?
Arinator's response: National Ariana and Space Ariana.
Why does the egg crack? Cos it's sad.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
One, if you throw it hard enough.
Why does the disabled person scrunch his toilet paper up? Because that’s the way he rolls.
Sara's Mom was helping her prepare for her driver's test.
Mom: "Okay, any questions?"
Sara: "Yes. I actually don't know what "yield" means."
Mom: "Don't worry, Hon. No one does."
What does a blondie and a shotgun have in common?
Give them a cock and they're ready to blow.
What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
What is the one feature an orphan kid's phone doesn't have that mine does?
A home button.
Q: How much does a skeleton weigh?
A: A skele-TON.
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
What does a transgender call his/her parent?
Transparent.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife is dead.
Where does a pianist go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.