Doctor Jokes

A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.

The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:

"Num num num num num!"

Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.

A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!” The doctor then looks at him and says “Have you tried icing?”

Sarcastic Doctor: Tell me.

Guy: I have leukemia in the brain.

Sarcastic Doctor: That doesn't concern me.

Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!

Shitpost-master general

The image is a three-panel comic. In the first panel, a doctor leans over a patient in a hospital bed and says, "PLEASE... If you can hear my voice..." In the second panel, another person says, "It's no use! He's in a deep coma!" In the third panel, someone says, "Wakey wakey eggs and bakey."

Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.

The sir: My children will be devastated.

Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.

The sir: Whatever it takes.

*Suppressed gunshots*

My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.

My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!

What are a doctor's and a WWE fighter's ideas on child abuse?

Doctor's: Don't do it, it does not help. Mood behavior.

WWE fighters: If it can crawl, it can brawl.

I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.

Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?

Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.

Stranger: Do you need a doctor?

I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.

Paralyzed Man: *gets up* I’m out of here!

Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?

Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?

Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

“Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

Doctor: *calls 911*

911 service: 911 what’s your emergency?

Doctor: Yes, uh, a “normal” person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?

911 service: *hangs up*