Doctor jokes
Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.
Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now youβll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.
Why do doctors use so much lipstick?
Because they love cos-medics!
Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.
What do you call a rapper whoβs also a DOCTOR?
MC Healer.
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
The doctor said I would make it, but then Spider-Man came in holding a PS5.
The doctor had an ego so big, it fell into the ocean fast.
Patient: I am sorry, it is my first surgery.
Doctor: Don't worry, mine too.π«‘π
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."
My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.
Doc: Can I help you?
Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.
Doc: When did it begin?
Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).
Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...
Girl: No, donβt get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.
Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?
Girl: No, itβs my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.
Timmy goes to the doctor and says, "There's a crack in my butt, doctor." Timmy, there is a crack in everyone's butt, see?
Cancer.
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.
I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.
You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.
Peter: *curses*
Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mom with that mouth?
Peter: Jokes on you, I don't have a mom.
Tony: *having a heart attack* AFSJDHFKJJD Peter, we talked about this!!!
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling βeel.β
What is 6" long, bright red, and your wife cries when you feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."