Doctor jokes
Why did the doctor tell the man to go for a mountain walk?
Alps clear the mind! Haha.
I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎
They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?
Doctor: You have cancer.
Patient: Will I survive?
Doctor: Probably not.
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.
Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
What is the difference between a thief and a doctor?
The thief knows what you have!
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
I had an operation on my knee, but it was a joint effort.
An orphan walked up to St. June's Family Hospital.
Doctor: "Sorry kid, you can't be in here."
Patient: I am sorry, it is my first surgery.
Doctor: Don't worry, mine too.🫡👍
Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
What do you call a rapper who’s also a DOCTOR?
MC Healer.
Why do doctors use so much lipstick?
Because they love cos-medics!
The doctor said I would make it, but then Spider-Man came in holding a PS5.
The doctor had an ego so big, it fell into the ocean fast.
There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.
That’s like 20 years from now, I said.
He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.