Doctor jokes

I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.

A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.

As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!

Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?

He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.

Sally had 9 pounds of boobs (9), which was 2 2 many (922), so on the 9th of the month (9229) at 6pm (92296) on 68 street (922968), she went to doctor x to get 6 operations (922968x6) and left her (flip your calculator) boobless.

Your hairline is so bad man, I gave your doctor a breathalyzer.

You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.

Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe.

Me: You should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste.

My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.

I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.

You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?

All they have is IVs!

There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"

"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.

"I want to be a hunter."

"Why?" the other babies ask.

"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."

What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?

Her Miscarriage.

Why did the doctor check out Earth?

He had a tummy quake.

What’s the most common name for cancer patients?

Luke (leukemia)

A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."

Why do pills work?

Because they are white.

Why did the math book go to the psychologist?

It had too many problems.