Doctor jokes
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?
He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
Your hairline is so bad man, I gave your doctor a breathalyzer.
You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.
Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe.
Me: You should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste.
My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.
I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.
You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"
"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.
"I want to be a hunter."
"Why?" the other babies ask.
"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."
What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?
Her Miscarriage.
Why did the doctor check out Earth?
He had a tummy quake.
What’s the most common name for cancer patients?
Luke (leukemia)
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Why do pills work?
Because they are white.
A man once went to a doctor because his leg was turning blue.
The doctor said that his leg had to be amputated as it was getting poisonous.
The man then got plastic prosthetics.
Next day even the prosthetics started turning blue.
After much examination, the doctor found that the patient's pants were shedding color.
Why did the math book go to the psychologist?
It had too many problems.
A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"