Doctor jokes
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"
What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?
DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!
The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”
What do a doctor and a girlfriend/boyfriend have in common?
They both break your heart.
Why did the doctor tell the man to go for a mountain walk?
Alps clear the mind! Haha.
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.
My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.
It’s called Enditol.
Doc: Can I help you?
Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.
Doc: When did it begin?
Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).
Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...
Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.
Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?
Girl: No, it’s my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.
What do you call a spice with a PHD?
Dr. Pepper
A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail. "Doctor, doctor!" He cries out. "What is it?" The doctor asks. "I can't feel my legs!" The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded. ". . . That's because I amputated your arms."
There was a doctor's room filled with 20 women, 4 kids, 15 men, and 1 dog. However, there were forty foreheads. How is this possible?
(They will think 44 heads, not 40 foreheads.)
Because there are 40 foreheads, not 44 heads.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
Patient: I am sorry, it is my first surgery.
Doctor: Don't worry, mine too.🫡👍
Don't say "stay positive" to the wrong doctor.
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."