"My wife is so crazy," said Beatem's McSmasher.
"Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch.
"She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!"
"You getting kicked out, bro?"
"Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor."
"Is she one of them woke bitches?"
"Fuckin blakfellas be drunk all the time," slurred Barry McKenzie over his tenth pint of guiness.
"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.
The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.
"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"
"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.
The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.
"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.
What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?
What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?
5% of atheists have seen a ghost.
5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.
If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?
Tony Abbott's career.
If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?
The Royal Commission.
Alternatively, Tony Abbott.
Did you ever see any white men drowning in the Atlantic Ocean?
Yeah, it went on and on.
What do you call a blind and illiterate military leader?
Winston Churchill.
A blind man was walking into a fish market. He took a deep breath and said, “Good morning, ladies!”
Why does five plus five equal eleven?
Because it's actually six.
I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair and screamed rocket league
What comedy skill can’t any cripple master?
Stand up.
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
What do you call a disabled chinese person? Som Ting Wong
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.
The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.
What do call a pool full of balck kids . Baths bomb
People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.
She can't see the obvious.
The kid in the wheelchair was getting bullied, so I encouraged him to stand up for himself. I don't know why he started crying.
What do you call a disabled Arab?
Artoo-Detoo (R2-D2).
