Disability jokes
What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common?
They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.
What do you call a disabled gang member? A crip.
What do you call a disabled orphan?
A left over vegetables.
What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?
He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.
Steven Hawking walks into a bar, the bartender says...
WAITTTT WHATTT
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the optometrist?
Because she’s dead.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she is a girl.
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the beach?
Because she can’t hear the sea.
Why are handicap signs blue? Because they're all Crips. (sorry)
What does a tornado need when it has multiple sclerosis?
A hurri-CANE.
Don't let an extra chromosome keep you down!
Why was it cold in Stephen Hawking's house?
Because he had a new window open...
Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food?
His shoulder.
Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied? Because they can never stand up for themselves.
Why can't people in wheelchairs pass high school?
The pacer test.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake everyday. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay.
He replied, "No." The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?" The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever." So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked. "No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before." The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?" The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
Why did Annie fall from the swing?
Because she had no hands.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Annie.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the wall and got unplugged.
What do you call a pool full of handicapped people?
Vegetable soup.