Disability jokes
What do you call a man with no hands? Clapless.
What’s Steven Hawkins' favorite song?
"Highway to Hell" because it’s a staircase to heaven.
Q: How did Helen Keller get a concussion?
A: She kept stepping on a rake.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?
He doesn’t have legs.
There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.
At least Stephen Hawking does something.
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?
Neither has he. 😂😂
Why did Stephen Hawking and his wife stop playing hide and seek? She kept using a metal detector.
Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?
He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.
Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
Her dog was blind, too.
How do they execute paraplegics?
With the electric wheelchair.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.