Disability jokes
I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad's half sister.
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair smoking weed?
A baked potato.
I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."
Why can't Sally swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.
Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere.
How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite TV show?
Robot Wars.
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell, not heaven? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He ran out of battery life.
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?
A: Mat.
Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on a bungy jump?
Spasticelastic.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
Well, I wouldn't want to be named "asdjasdjasdak" either.
What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?
Special forces.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
Teacher: Take a seat, class.
Wheelchair person: I've been in the seat.
What do you call a stripper in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
I can't stand disability jokes.