Disability jokes
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?
He doesn’t have legs.
Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?
Neither has he. 😂😂
Why did Stephen Hawking and his wife stop playing hide and seek? She kept using a metal detector.
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
How do they execute paraplegics?
With the electric wheelchair.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?
“A sped runner.”
Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
Her dog was blind, too.
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.
How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."