Disability jokes
What do you call a paralyzed kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
Why can't there be a gay disabled person?
Because a fruit can't be the same as a vegetable.
Your mum stinks of disabled people.
Wanna know why?
I don't know either, you tell me.
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
Why do disabled people not like comedians?
Because they do stand up.
Why can't Stephen Hawking win any arguments?
Because he can't stand up for himself.
What do you call an army of autistic people?
Special forces!
What do you call a romance movie for Down syndrome people? Chromeo and Juliet.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair that lives in Africa?
Dry Vegetable.
What is a disabled person's favorite type of comedy? Sit-down comedy!
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...
What do Helen Keller and orphans have in common?
Neither of them can see or hear their parents.
When Helen Keller drives a car, people call her Asian.
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
When I have a staring contest, I always win.
Every day, I see blind people who hate me.
Can a guy in a wheelchair be a stand-up comedian?
Yo mama's so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.
What do you call a physically disabled man who is sitting on the toilet inside the handicapped stall inside the men's restroom?
Sex worker.