Disability jokes
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
What do you call a paralyzed kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
Why can't there be a gay disabled person?
Because a fruit can't be the same as a vegetable.
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
Why can't blind people have a seafood diet?
They have to see food to eat.
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
What's Stephen Hawking's other favorite song?
Steve Winwood's "Just Roll with It Baby."
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled away and his charger unplugged.
Stephen Hawking's death was completely accidental.
He pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep".
I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."
When Helen Keller drives a car, people call her Asian.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair that lives in Africa?
Dry Vegetable.
What is a disabled person's favorite type of comedy? Sit-down comedy!
So I got my brother a jumping castle for his birthday. That bitch cried in his wheelchair.
A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!
I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.
It didn't work.
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.