Disability jokes
What do you call a person that can't operate a wheelchair?
Stephen Hawking.
Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.
So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms and no legs?
Matt!
Why can't blind people have a seafood diet?
They have to see food to eat.
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
How do you punish a blind kid?
Rearrange the furniture.
I was submitting this joke, and I realized Stephen Hawking couldn't.
It had the reCAPTCHA "I'm not a robot."
I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
Your mum stinks of disabled people.
Wanna know why?
I don't know either, you tell me.
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
What do you call a paralyzed kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
Why can't there be a gay disabled person?
Because a fruit can't be the same as a vegetable.
What do you call a man in a wheelchair with no legs?
Geo dude.
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
Could never understand why people would say Stephen Hawking is a dead man walking.
What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?
A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? Don't worry, he hasn't neither.