Disability jokes
Stephen Hawking got an engine swap with a Nissan 350Z, and they said his wheelchair wasn't street legal :/
What gang was Stephen Hawking in? The Crips.
Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.
What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?
Mixed nuts.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair and said, "Hot Wheels!"
What do you call a pool full of disabled people?
Vegetable soup.
It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.
I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Somebody threw an EMP at him.
There may be hope for Stephen Hawking yet.
His nose runs.
I was struggling on a math test when a girl in a wheelchair leaned over and said, "Hey, this is the easiest thing I've done all day."
I was triggered, so the next day when we were doing the pledge, I leaned over and said, "This is the easiest thing I've done all day!"
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.
The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr. Independent and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with her left hand?
She moans with her right.
What do you call a retard with a boner? A slowpoke.
What do an orphan and a blind person have in common? They both can't see their parents.
I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.
He's not dead, his batteries have run out.
What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.