Disability jokes
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
Why do disabled people not like comedians?
Because they do stand up.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair that lives in Africa?
Dry Vegetable.
When Helen Keller drives a car, people call her Asian.
What do you call a paralyzed kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
I was submitting this joke, and I realized Stephen Hawking couldn't.
It had the reCAPTCHA "I'm not a robot."
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."
What's Stephen Hawking's other favorite song?
Steve Winwood's "Just Roll with It Baby."
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled away and his charger unplugged.
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...
What do Helen Keller and orphans have in common?
Neither of them can see or hear their parents.
What do Ben 10 and a disabled kid have in common? They both slap their wrist.
What do you call a man in a wheelchair with no legs?
Geo dude.
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a campfire and shouted out "Hot Wheels!"
What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but couldn't stand up?