Disability jokes

Two people about to have sex realize they have no lube.

In their desperate, horny haste, they looked for the nearest "Downy" and asked it, "Speak into my hand."

Upon their return to the bed, they regretted it immediately because his dick just stayed down...

Me: I want to be a stand-up comedian.

Friend: You have to be able to stand up.

What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.

Stephen Hawking didn’t die naturally, his carer just forgot to put him on charge.

Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?

Because he couldn’t go up the stairs to heaven.

A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.

So I threw him out the window!

Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.

As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"

My friend is blind.

So he always says he cannot Nazi.

A blind comedian walks into a room, or did he? Dun, dun, dun!

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair.

If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman... no other reasons besides that.

Put Helen Keller in George Floyd's position. How would she cry out for help? Would she just moan, or would she try to do sign language?

Did you know that Helen Keller had a pet monkey?

No.

Neither did she.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"

What position would a man with no legs and arms play in baseball?

Home base.

Put a kid in a wheelchair in the Twin Towers. Damn, I love Hot Wheels!

I dumped the dead, disabled person's body into a dumpster full of rats.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Special forces.

One man said, "The audacity on that deaf kid!"

The other man said, "Bro, does he even have audio?"