Disability jokes
Stephen Hawking's death was completely accidental.
He pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep".
What's Stephen Hawking's other favorite song?
Steve Winwood's "Just Roll with It Baby."
What do you call a person in a wheelchair that lives in Africa?
Dry Vegetable.
When Helen Keller drives a car, people call her Asian.
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...
What do you call a physically disabled man who is sitting on the toilet inside the handicapped stall inside the men's restroom?
Sex worker.
What do Helen Keller and orphans have in common?
Neither of them can see or hear their parents.
What do Ben 10 and a disabled kid have in common? They both slap their wrist.
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
What do you call a man in a wheelchair with no legs?
Geo dude.
Man, this walk is really good. Oh wait, you can't.
Why can't there be a gay disabled person?
Because a fruit can't be the same as a vegetable.
What do you call a romance movie for Down syndrome people? Chromeo and Juliet.
Why can't Stephen Hawking win any arguments?
Because he can't stand up for himself.
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
Why do disabled people not like comedians?
Because they do stand up.
What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?
A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.
What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?
They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.