Disability jokes
Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day... only cause I wanted my first time to be special.
The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.
Hey guys, Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone, he says their name really loud.
Billy: Hey guys, I just got back from my DADS!!
Wait, what Billy?
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally.
Aren't paraplegics just plegics that can fly?
Why did people bully Steven Hawking?
Because he couldn't stand up for himself.
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
Hellen Keller once said, "love is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel," but of course she said it like this "fbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb."
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
Why did little sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
What did sally get for Christmas?
Gloves! Only joking...she still hasn’t opened the box.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.
What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
I asked this disabled kid what his favorite TV show is. He looked at me blankly and said "My favorite TV show is Vegetales."
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?
Johnny was deaf.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he isn't coming to you.