Difference jokes
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
What's the difference between an apple and an emo kid?
One falls, while the other hangs.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
What's the difference between a bird and a kid on the roof?
The bird can fly off the roof.
I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.
What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?
The prisoner.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
What’s the difference between jail and my basement?
Some people are let out of jail.
What's the difference between a sex slave and a goat?
I don't have a sex slave in my basement...
What is the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
What is the difference between a detective company and a man with eyes on his butt?
One has a private eye, and the other has eyed privates.
Q: What’s the difference between orphans and apples?
A: Apples get picked.
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
What’s the difference between my mom and the Twin Towers?
My mom got hit by two cars. The Twin Towers got hit by two planes.
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.