Difference jokes
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?
Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.
What's the difference between a bicycle?
A banana, because vests don't have sleeves.
What is the difference between a man performing anilingus on a woman and a man performing cunnilingus on a woman?
If a man is performing anilingus on a woman, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!!
What is the difference between a feminist and a female prostitute? If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
Q: What is the difference between a dead body and an orphan?
A: The dead body had a family.
What is the difference between whores and nuns?
Nuns usually discover their own chosen vocation. Whores usually have their vocation chosen by pimps.
What is the difference between Princess Diana and my laptop?
When my laptop crashes, I give a s**t.
My favorite joke was: what's the difference between a teacher and a train?
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.
What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS?
If you stop giving money to a church, you won't go to prison.
what's the difference between hitler and you?
one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.
What's the difference between a gun and chips? When you bring it to class, everyone starts wanting to be your friend.
What’s the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?
A stoner has papers.
What is the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can't tuna fish.
What’s the difference between 1000 used tires and 1000 used condoms?
One's a good year and one's a great year.
What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?
Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.
Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.
Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"
What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?
I know how to use an exercise band.