Difference jokes
What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?
Your nan's a GILF!
What's the difference between my basement and my garage?
One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie? He doesn't walkie or talkie.
What’s the difference between football and rape?
Women don’t like football.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson screwed little boys.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
Porn.
What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?
Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?
Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.
What's the difference between a suicide bomber and puberty?
Puberty waits for the blow up.
What’s the difference between being a genius and being an idiot?
Being a genius has its limits.
What’s the difference between an epileptic corn shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
The epileptic corn shucker “shucks between fits”...
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!
What is the difference between a tree and a dog?
A dog can walk and a tree cannot walk.