Die jokes
One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.
No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.
His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Why? You ask.
Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.
This category is messed up.
My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out Boys II Men wasn't a delivery service.
Your mum is so fat when she died the Earth was flat! 😂😂😂😂
One of my friends got a haircut, and everyone giggled and bullied him... I didn’t, I died of laughter 😂
Hitler killed 18 million and only died once.
Fucking camper!
Why did he die? He forgot to get a new GPU for his new PC.
Michael Jackson went into an Italian restaurant and died because he choked on 9-year-old meatballs.
Did you hear the news? Michael Jackson died because he choked on 7-year-old nuts and balls.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?
Billy's jeans.
Why do so many kids die in school shootings? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors.
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.
Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
My dad died in 9/11. At least he did what he loves best: flying planes.