Didnt jokes
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
To all the little rude people here, fuck you. I didn't ruin this country, it was Putin!
I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.
What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they didn’t have a home.
Why didn't the dog want to play football??
'Cause he was a boxer!
For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.
Anonymous 1: Why are you crying?
Anonymous 2: No, buddy, come to my finral.
I didn't steal it. 🌚
I was at a farm in France called ‘Uber eats Farmer league’, then I saw a strange creature called ‘Pessi’. He only appears against farmers.
He ran towards to me, I didn’t know what I should do so I decided to shout “Big games! Big games!“ Pessi scurried away.
So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.
Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."
My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.
I heard some twin brothers were going as buildings to the school costume contest, so I went as a plane. It didn't fly too well with people.
I got fired for not doing enough work.
Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.
Why did the blind woman get raped?
Because she didn't know she was wearing see-through clothes.
Her husband prepares them a romantic dinner. The wife tells her husband about her desire for it. The husband was clueless about such acts. So, the wife tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay underneath her naked in the reverse missionary position.
She starts thrusting with his meat inside of her and starts waiting for him to thrust along with her thrusts. However, the husband didn’t know what to do, so he just laid there. Suddenly the wife had an urge to pee, but held it in because her husband’s joystick was right inside her. She loses control after a while and lets one drip out. The wife apologizes profusely and continues thrusting her husband. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another drip of urine run down the husband’s schlong to his pelvis.
The husband throws the wife from the couch, gets up, and says,
"Honey, if you think I’ll be screwed by you for more of that, you’re out of your mind."
Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.
The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Johnny said when he grows up he's going to be a motherfucking hustler. He's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a Rolls-Royce, and he's also going to have an apartment in the city where his side bitch is going to live. He's going to buy her expensive jewelry, whatever she wants: cars, diamonds, clothes, shoes.
The teacher didn't know what to say, so she calls on Sally. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Sally said, "I want to be Johnny's bitch."
Yo mama is so ugly that when she went through a face ID, it didn't think she was human.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.