Didnt jokes
Guess whose parents didn't survive?
Liv's parents.
Me: I been up all night, no sleep--
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......
I asked a kid why he was so blue.
Didn't realize his parents were choking him out.
Yo mama so fat that when she went to the fatty competition, they said no because they didn't want professionals.
(Just a joke, she's probably kind.)
It’s ok to yell “Kobe” after missing a shot, he didn’t make it either.
Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?
Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
Two teenagers were raping an 11-year-old girl in an alley, so I stepped in to help. The little bitch didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
What's the difference between an Afghan kindergarten and a military target?
The drone guy didn't know either.
Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?
He didn't give me any.
I was made by the Devil.
Why couldn't the orphan get an Android? Because it didn't have a home button.
Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*
Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"
Why didn’t the grape 🍇 leave her family?
Because she loved raisin' kids!
Why that Nun didn't like Virgin Mary?
Because she was straight into Jesus.
A brunette fought and didn't get raped.
A blonde thought and did get raped.
Yo mama so ugly, when she tried to enter an ugly contest, they said they didn't allow professionals.
Hear the one about the deaf kid?
He didn't.
What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?
It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Yo mama so fat that if she didn't eat for a day, there would be enough food to feed Africans for 500 years.
Walked in to a gun store, everything was half off.
I didn't know back-to-school shopping started.