Dick's jokes

Fan

    • Who gets more dick, straight male rap fans or straight male swifties? Answer: Straight male rap fans, because there’s no such thing as a straight male swiftie.

  • 1

    • Nickname

    • I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."

    She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."

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    • Sex

    • A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.

    The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."

    The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."

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    • Dick

    • A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

  • 2

    • Bingo

    • After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.

    During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."

    Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"