Dick jokes
Did you hear that story "Three Lines in the Sand?" By dickadraggin'.
How do you get Dick from Richard?
You ask nicely.
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
I'm not gay, dick.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and sick his dick.
My dick is hard, what's your name?
I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a dick in the ass.
Man 1: You look like Scott Cawthon.
Man 2: I'm gonna put your dick in a Coffin!
Man 3: Me first!
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.
My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.
Why are Indians dark?
Because they are born and bred in chicken curry.
Why did Obama marry Michelle?
Because he's into chicks with dicks.
Son: Hey, Dad, why is my name Dick?
Dad: Oh, because a dick fell on you when you were born.
Son: Ohhhhh, so that's why I'm gay.
Everybody loves "appreciation." So that's what I named my dick.
A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Highest level of insult by a girl by seeing a guy's dick:
"I can shit bigger logs than that thing of your's" 🤣
He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.
What's the difference between a dick and a cannon?
Your dick shots longer.