Friend: Do you know him?
Other Friend: Know who?
Friend: My dick!
Your dick is so small it's the size of a tic tac. Oh, that's why your mom's breath was so fresh last night.
Thing to say during sex, "grab his dick and twist it!"
My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.
When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:
"Enjoy the little things."
I have a penis.
How's that for a fucking joke? It's not a joke. It's terrible.
500 thumbs down and I'll lop off my dick with a razor.
Seriously, who wants dicks?
I LOVE BIG HARRY DICKS
What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.
Bully: "I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the shower you can't even see it."
Guy: "No, I see your sister's head."
Your dick is like a shotgun, one cock and you're ready to fire.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Without other people's dicks in it.
What do you call a skinny black dick? A Tootsie Roll.
What do you call a dick that's too small to see?
Tick-tack dick.
You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
Your dick is as flat as your grandma's heart rate.
