Dick jokes
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
My dick is hard as a rock, anyone wanna fuck?
My dick hard.
What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?
Long John Silvers or Captain D's.
What goes in dry and comes out wet?
A dick.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Willis.
Willis who?
Willis dick fit in yo mouth?!
Do you know Candice?
Candice dick fit in your mouth!
I dicked your mom down so good, bitch!
What do you call a crying dick?
I call it a crying dick.
A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"
Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?
I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.
Calculate my dick, virgins!
Archer riddle has less atoms in his brain than he does in his dick, and his dick is 1/4 of a millimeter.
When she says she wrestles, so you pull out your dick and she punches it.
Did you hear that story "Three Lines in the Sand?" By dickadraggin'.
How do you get Dick from Richard?
You ask nicely.
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
I'm not gay, dick.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and sick his dick.
My dick is hard, what's your name?