Depression jokes
Men and depression have something in common; they’re always talking.
Call me a bad economy with high interest rates and low spending, 'cause I'm in a great depression.
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said, "a smile."
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.
Going to school is mandatory in this country.
Can you guess my plan?
Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.
Your hairline's so far back that five hour energy became a five day depression.
What's a benefit of being an orphan? The chips always come in a family size :)
What do orphans call a family photo? A selfie.
Name 1 way to decrease overpopulation:
Get rid of all the suicide prevention lines so the suicidal people can kill themselves.
Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...
"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"
"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."
What did the talking rope say to the man?
"Just hang in there."
What's the difference between me and a depressed kid? At least I'm out of the grave.
Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.
The belt broke.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
Which way is quicker to die? Noose or slitting my throat?
What do us emos all have in common?
Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."
what do you call a shadow stalker REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I'm sick of crying; tired of trying; yes, I'm still smiling; inside I'm dying.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he can't get home.
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
What do you call my sister?
Suicidal.