Depression jokes

How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.

Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)

What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?

Hang in there!

Why was JFK stupid? He only had half a brain.

Why do we even live? We're just gonna die anyway, so what's the point?

Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.

Only if onions were emo, they'd cut themselves.

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨

What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.

What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?

They're both hanging from a tree.

You look sexy with that rope around your neck.

Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!

Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*

Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.

My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.

Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?

Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!

What do you call sad coffee... deppresso!

I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.

Wanna hear a joke? Me.

What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.