Depression jokes
One time I went to high-five someone. I've been left hanging ever since.
I got jealous when my phone died.
How to respond if someone starts looking at the photos on your phone.
Step 1: Jab your thumbs into their eye sockets.
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
It's always fun to take anti-depressants, you either choose to take one, or the whole bottle.
My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.
Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.
You got a black cat.
He was bad luck.
Everyone left you and you committed suicide.
What a CATastrophe!
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care!
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.
I hate people that hate life.
Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.
*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe
What's an emo's favorite type of necklace? The kind that attaches to a ceiling beam.
Y'all wanna hear a joke? My life.
Imagine being depressed. Couldn’t be me.
You're so sad that you make the Great Depression look like a better time period to live in.
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?
"No, you hang yourself first..."
I feel bad for cumming on my turtle.
Why the fuck would I do that? I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn on my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me on the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watched and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead of from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with me I wouldn't feel lonely. Well, I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, I took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forget the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forget what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what I did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.