Depression jokes
My life.
My sister: See you at home in about an hour.
Me: Okay.
My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*
Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?
Sister: OMG, she's dead!
Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?
The emo kid went for a high five. People say he's still hanging.
Your mum is so fat, when I see her, I get depressed.
At 6, she wanted a happy mama.
At 8, she hated acting like a mom.
At 10, she wanted to see her own smile again.
At 11, she wanted to see her mom.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Fuck you you rwind my life.
Did you know some people don't put on masks because they wanna act like something? Some put masks on to show their depression and feeling.
Why are people that have bipolar disorder never on suicide watch?
Because they are always sucking dick.
Why did the cheetah get sad?
'Cause it didn't have any balls to suck.
At this point, I don't want a funeral when I commit. I just want a going away party so people have an excuse to celebrate.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.
I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.
When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.
I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.
If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
What’s the easiest way to dig a hole to China?
Through my arm.
What's the difference between an emo kid and an apple?
One hits the ground when they fall from the tree.
"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret
"Why?" - Depressed boy
"Because he got ran over." - Margaret
"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.