Depression jokes

I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.

Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.

Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.

If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂

Is it normal my emo cousin's hobby is tying himself to train tracks?

What's worse than depression & suicide?

Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.

Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?

Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?

Person: Yea, why?

Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)

What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?

They both look good hanging from a tree.

Roses are red, violets are blue, the last time people got depressed ended World War II.

Breaking news (2020): Depressed pigeon misses shitting on people.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?

The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.

I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.

Me: Knock knock.

Person: Who's there?

Me: No-one.

Person: No-one who?

Me:...........

Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!

Are you a grave, 'cause I want you on me?

What did the orphan say to the crippled man?

I suffer from crippling depression.