Depression jokes

A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"

The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"

The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"

The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."

It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.

If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.

what do you call a shadow stalker REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”

“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”

what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.

Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

How to respond if someone starts looking at the photos on your phone.

Step 1: Jab your thumbs into their eye sockets.

I ate the Emo Emo no Mi from One Piece. It gave me the powers of black hair, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?

A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.

What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?

A DEPPression.

(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).

I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.

A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.

"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.

"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."

The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."

The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"

"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.

"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"

Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.

Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.

Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.

I said, "a smile."

They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.

My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.

Going to school is mandatory in this country.

Can you guess my plan?

Maths...

....Addition, frustration, subtraction, aggression, depression.

What’s a depressed kid's favorite game? Hangman.

Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.

Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.