Suicide: Turning one's biology into complex organic chemistry.
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.
Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)
It's muffi time, 'cause I wanna die, die, die.
What's great about an emo pizza?
It cuts itself. Yay!
You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.
Are you depression? 'Cause you're always on my mind~
Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
Worry I am dead
One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.
Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"
"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"
"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."
Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."
Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"
Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."
Man: "Okay. Let's do it."
So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.
After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"
Man: "I am 35 years old."
Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
Wow, Heaven's a lot hotter than I thought it'd be.
Are you a train? Because I want you to run over me. :)
Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)
Why do people always talk about nine eleven???
My dad died that day.
He was a good pilot.
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
Tomorrow is Christmas, and I'm giving myself a present that I can't wait to open. It's my wrist. (Yes, this was inspired by a Fall Out Boy song.)
What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?
Nothing, I cut both of them.
I tend to think my ‘depression’ is for attention. I guess I have depressed depression.
