Depression jokes
Sometimes my battery life has the same recognition as me :(
I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
Teacher: What do you want when you grow up?
That depressed kid in class: Dead.
Why can't you kill a depressed person?
Because they are already dead inside.
How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?
You tell them it's a leap of faith.
What's a depressed kid's least favorite game?
Cut the rope.
Why be homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist when you can be quiet?
Dad: Alive.
Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).
Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.
Mother: Alive...
Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.
What do you (anyone) and a joke not have in common?
Jokes have meanings.
When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"
Are you a bullet? 'Cause you're stuck in my head.
Your PP is small, just like my will to live.
Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
What did the pilots say before crashing into the Twin Towers?
"We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we go through it!"
If you feel sad, or you feel that you are not loved... You're with mushroom pizza.
What do you do when you finish a magazine in school?
Answer: You shoot it!