pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
Teacher tests Little Johnny, “OK, Johnny, create a sentence which starts with ‘I’.” Little Johnny confidently starts, “I is...” Teacher snaps, “No, Little Johnny. You must always say, ‘I am’.” Little Johnny sighs, “Yes ma’am. ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’"
God: ok so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look like from being born to preteen. Satan:(slides in) I’ll take over for you pops. God: I dunno....this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system. Satan: don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18! God: Hmm...I’m still not-(Gets a call on his phone) shoot I got to take this. (Answers call) don’t touch anything Lucifer! (Walks away) Satan:.......(just touches lightly and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away) God:(rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?! God:(tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) fuck me........ God:....(sighs) fine it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child. Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," say Satan. "What is it?" The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl." Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?" The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"
She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"
"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."
Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend." The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better." "Thanks Dad," the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
So there's Fred and Frank, now they've been 2 friends for years, but Fred see he's depressed. Badly. Either way, so F+F are texting each other and here's how is goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge to harshly)
Frank: Yo Fred: hi... Frank: u heard about de competition? Fred: yeah.... Frank: You wanna hang out? Fred: ....... Frank: what? I've got some noose (news) for you Fred: ... I( Frank: fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan tho. We don't wanna be hanging on the end. Fred: *sigh* you know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love." I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
I was at a friends place yesterday, and... There was A mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.
That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.
An hour later they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep. So I looked in the brothers room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.
I sighed at this. "Incest aside. You guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you." I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.
What do you call a bored robot A “sigh”-borg
A man is depressed and he sighs, a bully says stop sighing you sound like some guys having a threesome
*sigh* Roses are red Vilots are blue you are so ugly do not tell me that is really you
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs. "For the last time Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!" The man with glasses frowns. "Where did all the others go, then?"
Knock knock Who's there Knock knock WHO'S THERE "Starts putting up hand sighs"
A young 38 year old happy Muslim migrant living in Sydney wants to wed a beautiful young bride. He asks the local Aussie the minimum age to wed his yet unchosen bride. "Eighteen" the Aussie says, sipping a beer. "She has to be Eighteen". Okay the Muslim man sighed, with disappointment and walks off. Next day he arrives with a 13 year old girl. "Wtf are you doing" Aussie says? You say this is okay" Muslim replied. "Fuck no she must be at least Eighteen you sick bastard" says Aussie, flicking away his Winnie Blue cigarette. Muslim man leaves angrily. Next day Happy Muslim settles on a 14 year old girl from Punchbowl to be his bride. Aussies jaw drops, "what is wrong with you mate?" asks Aussie. Muslim man replies "You tell me to choose 'a teen', 'a teen', I chose a teen and now you come for my third and now fourth choice. Fuck you!" Aussie: "Eighteen not 'a teen' you sick mongrel.
Do not roast *sigh in depression*
So this women had a job she wanted to hang out with her boyfriend the she lied about having corona virus then she got out of work then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend then she said i lied now we can you no water sigh lick sigh then her boss texted Ew and YOUR FIRED. one more story one day this teen named alexis got kicked out of a house then went to live with her bf then she got pregnant posted it all on social media
therapist: and what is it about this generation that bothers you?
satan: i give them the intro tour and they just say shit like “ooo spooky lol”
therapist: that's not so bad
satan: when i showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said “big mood”
President: Them damn flat faced n**g*rs!! Man: We have the power of the sun itself! President: Drop it on them! Man: You push the button President:*sigh* Fine give it to me Man: Hands over button President: Pushes it Both: YAAA! President: Bumps into the button pressing it again Both: Oh, sh*t
Meanwhile in japan after the first bomb went off Japanese man: Ah sh*t here we go again
Do not sort..that's bad..*sigh in depression*
