Delivery jokes
Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.
Me and my mom order Chinese food.
My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."
I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.
I guess it was a bad delivery.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?
Why did Michael Jackson call Boyz II Men? He thought they were a delivery service.
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
Why did the chicken cross the towers?
Because he ordered a plane pizza and didn’t get to the other side.
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
When the Two Towers ordered pizza, all they got was plane.
What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?
Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.
20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay, moving on. You took too long.
How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply* I don't know how many.)
3, Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply* 3...)
Wrong. 4, Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door. Why did Sally fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
A delivery service called “Ross Deliveries” was known to be the best in town. They never got anything wrong. One day, Rachelle got a delivery, but when it arrived, it was all broken! How is this possible?
I never said which delivery service she used. Lol.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.
Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."
Ayo, the pizza here... OH NlGGA! AHHHHH!... Augh, my ears burn!
Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.
At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"