Delivery jokes
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
My dad is now a milkman.
Now I have over 50 brothers and sisters.
The Twin Towers ordered Little Caesars, but instead got Dominos.
What kinda pizza did the Twin Towers order?
Two plains.
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
What did the mom say when her child came out?
"The head was so big!"
Why did the mailman come to the house?
To come back with the milk.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.
Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."
This is a 2 for 1 plane combo that will never exist.
But, it's like a plane pizza.
Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought Instagram was a weed delivery service.
It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.
How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.
That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.
That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.
Why is Santa’s sack so big?
Because he only comes once a year.