Delivery jokes
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A swallow.
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
Memes
What is a paedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
Free delivery XD
All normal-sized babies are delivered by stork.
Heavier babies are delivered by crane.
Pizza Hut.
I ordered a pizza with everything on it, but I got a plain pizza.
If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.
Do you know why Santa's sack is so big? He only comes once a year.
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
Did you know about 9 months after a power outage 50% more babies are born because it is dark?
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.
Where do you order nonbinary pizza?
Little xe/xyrs.
Why were 9/11 victims so mad?
They ordered three pepperoni pizzas, not two planes!
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.