If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
All normal-sized babies are delivered by stork.
Heavier babies are delivered by crane.
Pizza Hut.
What is a paedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
Free delivery XD
I ordered a pizza with everything on it, but I got a plain pizza.
My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.
Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.
Do you know why Santa's sack is so big? He only comes once a year.
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
Did you know about 9 months after a power outage 50% more babies are born because it is dark?
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
Why were 9/11 victims so mad? The ordered three pepperoni pizzas, not two planes!
Where do you order nonbinary pizza?
Little xe/xyrs.
The towers ordered pepperoni but got plane.
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.
What kinda pizza did the twin towers order? Two plains
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What did the mom say when her child came out?
"The head was so big!"
