Death Jokes

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

If only they had more mosquito nets in Africa we could prevent millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS...

Whats the best thing about a prostitute dying on u during sex? The second hour is free

Today, I operated on a little girl, she needed O- negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O- negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “so when will I die”? she thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.

In 2011 Stephen Hawking said there is no God, 2018 God said there is no Steve Hawking

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

As the navy seals burst into osama bin ladens room in his pakistani compound, his last dying words forever wrung in the ears of the seals...

"It was just a prank bro"

I wish death was in the form of a woman.

That way, it would never come for me

How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?

You’re dead if the rubber breaks.

If you drink hand sanitizer does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀

my aunt used to say "slow and steady wins the race". she died in a fire.

My girlfriend went to Tokyo and she died in the tsunami. Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean".

Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!