Death jokes
While writing my suicide note, I got a paper cut... it’s a start.
My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.
Is Stephen Hawking a physicist now? No, because he is dead.
Little Timmy said, "I had a body, eieio, now you are next!" as he shoots you.
The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.
As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...
"It was just a prank bro."
Who is not hungry in Africa?
A dead person.
What fell out of the tree first, the apple or the emo?
The apple, the emo was caught by the rope.
I have a riddle for you:
10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.
Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”
Once he eats it, he starts crying.
Why?
Yo momma is so ugly, she gets rejected by dead people.
Is shooting and killing a pregnant woman a spawn kill or double kill?
Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.
He shouts “you stupid cunt!”
The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”
Dodi replies...:
“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
What did one casket say to the other casket?
"Is that you coughin'?"
If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?
The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.
Maybe we should stop talking about orphans, their parents will get ma... oh wait.
My mom said I rely on my devices too much, so I unplugged her life support.
What’s the difference between bossatron5678 and a gay man?
One isn’t retarded, and one isn’t gay; the gay man is dead.
Dead.
I killed my cat.