Death jokes
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
What kills you?
Suicide.
Why did Ten die?
It was between 9/11.
What's the difference between Kobe Bryant and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only 2 13-year-olds went down on Kobe's helicopter.
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?
A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King.
What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.
What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?
Dark humor never dies!
Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.
Who's Paul Walker's close friend?
Tree.
Why did no one turn up to John's funeral?
Because Sally wrote the invitations!
How can one make Death Row a little more fun?
Musical electric chairs.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make him clap until his parents come back.
What did Stephen Hawking see before he died?
The blue screen of death.
My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.
If Jeffy goes to an orphanage, he will die. How is he supposed to move?
Where does a suicide bomber go when he dies?
Everywhere.
Mother got shot, damn.
Father got shot, damn.
Sister got shot, damn.
Brother got shot, damn.
Auntie running away with a shotgun!
What happened when the 400+ women ate a slice of cake?
She died the next weekend.