What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
(Jokes for people with cancer) 1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore. 2: I'm dying, finally. 3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then. On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/.
What did cermet the frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?
Nothing...
So one day I was walking home from school with my best friend sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that bob the class rep got her pregnant a eight months ago and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said “sally it’ll be ok I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson” “yeah thanks suzy” she said to me then went into her house. The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school so I was like oh she must be in trouble with her mom I’ll go check on her So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands “oh hello. Is that Sally’s son!! Can I see sally?” Her mom says sure and I go inside but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone “here lies sally 2004-2020” so I ask her mom in tears “oh did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied “you could say that..”
/Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?" "To the morgue." "What? But I’m not dead yet!" "And we’re not there yet."
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
When they say you live by the sword you die by the sword, not in Paul Walkers case he lived by the car died by a tree well I guess the car was stumped
the biggest inconvenience in 2001 i thought was my brother turns out it was 9/11 i guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was aluh aluckbar
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there
roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone to
For you have a overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would a lifetime supply.
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park .
Alright kids! Find a good places to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
What’s 10 inches and makes women scream?
Cot death!
Mary's mother was a good person why did she die? -because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade
Doctor: you'll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.
When your driving past a graveyard say: wow people were just dying to get in there.
a man died and went to heaven. here he met jesus. there were two clocks, the man asked whats with the clocks?. jesus answered this is mother theresa's clock she has not lied so the clock hasnt moved, this is abraham lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice so its moved twice. where's donald trumps the man asked. jesus replied: its in my office im using it as a ceiling fan.
