Death jokes
I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.
Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
What is the difference between Juice Wrld and an orphan?
One is loved by all.
"Russian" twists into a ditch, dead!
Me seeing a little girl crying
Did the people of England see a "game over" sign in the sky when the queen died?
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
Me: Man, I wish my clothes were emo.
Friend: Why?
Me: So they would hang themselves.
Where would you take Stephen Hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC World?
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Cause she had no arms.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Sally.
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.
Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To die.
What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"