Death jokes

What did one aborted baby say to the other? Nothing. They're both dead.

You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?

He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.

So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.

The next day I saw a dead orphan.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and your parents?

Nothing. They are both just memories.

Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?

Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.

A feather and a depressed boy fell at the same time, which one hits the ground first?

The feather, because the rope stopped the child.

My friend died from Ligma!

Ligma balls.

I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.

You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."

When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.

Me: You f&*k up.

The class: Oh sh!&

Farrah Fawcett, upon arriving at the pearly gates, God asked her, for having led such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe.

Five hours later, Michael Jackson died.

Did the tree high five the emos?

No, he just left them hanging.

A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.

How did the lesbian die? Homicide.

A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"

"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"

What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?

"I'm sorry, I just had to."

I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.

My ex died in an anchorage accident.

She always was a sleeping hooker.

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!