Farrah Fawcett, upon arriving at the pearly gates, God asked her, for having led such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe.
Five hours later, Michael Jackson died.
Death Jokes
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
A leaf and an emo are both falling from a tree.
Which one hits the ground first?
The leaf, the emo got caught by a rope.
What's Juice Wrld's favorite salad? A seizure salad.
My dad killed Hitler.
Technoblade: I'm the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans.
Quackity: What is the first thing to ever happen to the orphans???
Technoblade: Quackity..... they're orphans.
(Disclaimer: not funny xD)
I didn’t know Stephen Hawking died. Oh god, it must have been when I disconnected the Wi-Fi!
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?
She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.
I would say fly high to Kobe, but obviously he didn't...
Can I die?
I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"
My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.
I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids.
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.
Mfs be saying Kobe is good at basketball cause he is 6 feet, ye 6 feet underground.
