Death jokes
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
From your Dad.
I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His core i5 Overheated. XD
Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!
When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Cause she had no arms.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Sally.
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
People should build orphanages next to graveyards so at least orphans can see their parents.
Why did the orphan fall off the mountain? Because his parents let go.
New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!
(Obtained by running over 69 children.)
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
What did the tree say to the kid with the rope?
Nothing, he was hanging.
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
Farrah Fawcett, upon arriving at the pearly gates, God asked her, for having led such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe.
Five hours later, Michael Jackson died.
Did the tree high five the emos?
No, he just left them hanging.
When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.
Me: You f&*k up.
The class: Oh sh!&
Why can't an orphan live peacefully?
Technoblade: As a ghost, he could locate all orphans within 2 weeks.