Death jokes
Me: I saw your parents yesterday.
Orphan girl: Where?
Me: The coffin was still open.
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
Farrah Fawcett, upon arriving at the pearly gates, God asked her, for having led such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe.
Five hours later, Michael Jackson died.
What did the tree say to the kid with the rope?
Nothing, he was hanging.
When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.
Me: You f&*k up.
The class: Oh sh!&
Why can't an orphan live peacefully?
Technoblade: As a ghost, he could locate all orphans within 2 weeks.
Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!
(Obtained by running over 69 children.)
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.
My friend died from Ligma!
Ligma balls.
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and your parents?
Nothing. They are both just memories.
What did one aborted baby say to the other? Nothing. They're both dead.
So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.
The next day I saw a dead orphan.
You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?
He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.