Death jokes

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.

Long live the quee—Oh wait...

I like George Floyd's new song. It is really breathtaking.

What did I say to the bridge?

Bye, bridge.

Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.

I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.

Hang in there, you all, Literally.

Call me an edgelord because I'm gonna impale myself on the edge of a spear.

The earth used to be flat until your mama was buried.

Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."

Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.

Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.

So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!

Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"

Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."

You learn from the best.

A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."

Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?

Because his parents will be far from home.

My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*

My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.

The earth was once flat... until they buried your mom.

what's the difference between an emo and an apple? the apple falls to the ground while the emo just hangs there.