Death jokes
What is the best cure for aging?
Suicide.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He forgot his log on password.
I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?
A Sandy Hook.
Why is Lani Jesus? Go die.
My dick is red.
Your pussy's pink.
It's really tight
When you're dead.
Why did the cat cross the road?
To die.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
"Wheel" all miss him, right?
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
The reason why Steven H. died was that someone poisoned his chocolate mousse.
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?
It took all his info!
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
Cremation,
The last chance for a smoking hot body.
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
What makes suicide illegal?
Getting caught.