Death jokes
What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?
A cliffhanger.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
The Windows XP log out sound.
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
What would MLK Junior be if he was white?.........Alive.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up?
She had no friends.
Knock Knock (Who's there?)
Not Sally...
What's the difference between a sports car and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a sports car in my garage.
Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?
He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?
Because she made her dad mad.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.
Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?
A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!
A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."
Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.