Death jokes
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Windows didn’t update in time.
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
Not done yet.
Now they are.
I hate these double standards.
If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?
Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Son: Why?
Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
My dad died lol.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
How Stephen Hawking died: he drove too far away from the wall and the cord got unplugged.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels! We'll see him soon.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
My dick actually destroyed the Death Star.
What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?
A cliffhanger.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
The Windows XP log out sound.
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
Roses are red, Burnt bodies are black.
You'd look great With a knife in your back.
What would MLK Junior be if he was white?.........Alive.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"